because i dont want to be anymore of a mess than i all ready am. but i remember a few days before, we were talking about some of those “it seems like yesterday” kinda good times. and now that this has happened. i got time to think of a lot more. so instead of just saying how much i love you, let me just show you Jackson. you don’t know how hard this is to type out, or write anything. its all just in my head. 1. when you came back from arkansas and i was the first person you went to see & you surprised me. smoked & your dog jackson ran in the back of the resturant jimmy works at & oh god was it so funny. 2. when you picked me up in the tractor bucket with jj. yeah it was short lived & really fucking scary but i wish i could do it one more time. 3. pumpkin patch, worlds largest maze. really stoned. didn’t even do it just trampled on through all over the place & came out the side. fuck it right? haha. 4. after you came back from arkansas & we were all drawing on the bored & we were just writing notes ALL OVER IT to eachother on other peoples art work. we stole jimmys trucks & moved it around the property all night and he was so drunk he couldn’t figure out what was wrong but he knew it was us two. 5. basically any night you got drunk & would tell me how were bestfriends & just make me feel like you could tell me anything. i just felt so special & important to you. 6. At stoneys, when you asked me to dance. god i wish i would have said yes now. i don’t know how to dance, and it was all so sweet & cute i thought i would fucked up or something so i took a rain check. you owe me one mr. 7. that week when i couldnt get shit straight & i was just such in a bad place and you cut me apple slices, bought me cigarettes, always, ALWAYS told me pretty girls never light there own cigarettes. 8. every night at my brothers. jackson, you are such my bestfriend. i cant even explain it. 9. the last time i saw you. we sanded down your truck. you gave me a piece of fire wood that looked like a leaf, and you duct tapped knock on it and a smiley face. because knock on wood is just my phrase. 10. the last time i talked to you. i cant stop re reading the last words you said or things you were talking about. i didn’t know id loose you 3 hours later. god i wish i didn’t pass out. i texted you back right when i got up. i didnt know why you didn’t respond. i had no clue for the train i was about to be slammed with. in an instant.
i really want to go back. and do something. idk im sleep deprived. and exhausted & its not going to get any better any time soon. but i love you. and im ford tough, just for you. just wait, im going to make you proud.
